Waiting In Vegas

One of my biggest pet peeves is when a guest fails to alert me of a problem with their order before they eat everything.  It’s not like I’m the type of server who doesn’t check back and provide them with ample time to voice their complaints prior to finishing their meal entirely.

I check back on my guests several times.  The first time I check back is when their food arrives to make sure they don’t need any additional condiments and to make sure their food arrived correctly.  Then I check back again after everyone has tried at least two bites of their food to make sure their food tastes good and is properly cooked.  Besides these two times I walk past them several times checking for signs of dissatisfaction and refilling beverages as needed.  Like I said: I give people ample time to make their complaints known prior to the consumption of their entire meal.  That’s why it never ceases to amaze me the number of people who eat every fucking morsel of their food and then complain that something was missing, cooked incorrectly, or tasted horrible.

In most cases there isn’t a hell of a lot I can do to rectify the situation since I have no way to prove their claim.  I deal with so many fucktards who have so many retarded complaints in a day that it becomes difficult to determine who is a lying twat seeking a free meal and who has an actual legitimate complaint.

Don’t Like The Food?
If you hate the food why the fuck would you eat all of it and then say “That was the grossest meal I’ve ever had.”  What kind of fucking person does that?  Sorry, big boy… you ate the entire fucking meal there is nothing I can do for you.  You should have complained immediately and I would have replaced your meal with something else.  If you are in a time crunch then you could have just eaten a small amount and I probably wouldn’t have made you pay for it.  You didn’t though.  Instead you ate the entire fucking meal, licked the plate, and then passive-aggressively complained like a little bitch.  If it was good enough for you to shovel down your throat in 2 minutes then it’s good enough for you pay for.

Improper Cooking Temperatures
Why would you eat your entire burger and then tell me that it was improperly cooked when you could have just as easily have told me during one of the many times I checked on you.  Chances are your burger was properly prepared and you are just a fucktard who doesn’t know proper cooking temperatures.  Either way, If you let me know before you devour the entire burger I can do something about it – like have it cooked to your liking or even take the time to explain cooking temperatures to you so you avoid the problem in the future.  If you wait until you eat the entire thing I really no longer give a fuck about your complaint.  Inevitably you end your complaint by telling me “make sure the chef knows,” or “pass this along to the chef.”  Something you should know is that most servers will just ignore your complaint and not relay the message to the chef because there is no way to tell if it’s legitimate or not.  This is because guests often tell us their burgers are improperly cooked when in fact they are perfected cooked.  These people are just used to eating at chain restaurants that serve their shit well done and call it medium well.  These chain restaurants won’t even serve their meat with the slightest amount of pink in it because the quality of the beef is poor and the people preparing it probably don’t have a degree in culinary arts.

Something Is Missing?
The kitchen screws up on tiny things all day long.  It’s a fast paced job and it’s easy to overlook small items, like extra avocado or a side of ranch.  If this happens then you should let your server know that something is missing as soon as you notice.  It will only take 90 seconds to fix the problem in most cases.  My absolute favorite is when cheese is missing from a sandwich.  The reason it’s my favorite is because so many people are too fucking retarded to correctly identify cheese.  I hate when people wait until the end of their meal to tell me there is no cheese because most of the time there was in fact cheese and I missed an opportunity to point it out to them.  Here is a classic example:

Four asians order four burgers, one with blue cheese.  The lady eats several bites of her burger before flagging me down to tell me there is no cheese on her burger.  There is in fact cheese on her burger and I can see it without even asking her to lift the bun.

Me: There is cheese.  It’s right there.

Lady: right where?

Me: Right there.  That white stuff hanging off the side.

Lady: I no see.

Me: (I take her fork and poke it) Right there.

Lady: That cheese?

Me: Yes, that’s cheese.

Lady: (Lifts her bun to see the entire patty covered in the mysterious white substance) Hmmmmmm. That blue cheese?

Me: Yes.

Lady: I thought it something else.

The above conversation happens 95% of the time when someone says there is no cheese on their burger. I know it seems strange because cheese is something that should be obvious – especially blue cheese since it has such a strong taste.  The truth is people just lose all common sense when dining out and turn into fucking retards.