Sometimes I like to figure out ways to annoy guests without them being able to identify exactly why they are annoyed. This allows me to piss someone off without them being able to complain about it because they have no idea why they are pissed off. It’s a fun game and a great way to get back at a guest who is being a rude inconsiderate asshole. Think about it… how can you possibly complain about the service if you have gotten everything you asked for and your server was pleasant the entire time??
Currently, I am perfecting the slow blink. When a guest asks a question or has a request that is so fucking retarded I can only assume it is an effort to make me plunge an ice tea spoon into their eye – I just blink my eyes a single time really slowly. If you are ever going to attempt this it is important to note that YOU CANNOT INCLUDE an eye roll under any circumstances.
Rolling your eyes is definitely identifiable by all guests – foreigners who speak no english will suddenly learn enough english to complain if you roll your eyes at them. A slow blink, on the other hand, is identified subconsciously by the guest. They know you are being a bitch but cannot place their finger on exactly how. Make sure to follow your slow blink with a really pleasant tone in your voice while honoring their retarded request or answering their insanely retarded question.
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Brilliant. Simply brilliant.
If you can do one eye at a time, they’ll think you’re a stroke victim.