Waiting In Vegas

A drunk man walked up to me this evening and insisted that someone had either put or lost a fingernail in his beer.  He demanded to speak to the manager immediately and fill out an incident report with security.  I knew he was crazy because how could someone lose a fucking fingernail?  Also, no one [...]

Tonight, as I was standing at the hostess stand, an elderly man dressed in a 70′s leisure suit walks up.  He asked me where he could “find a good steak.”  I gave him directions to the nearest steakhouse. Old Man: I already looked at that menu – they want $75 fucking dollars for a meal. [...]

Man: “I really like your widow’s peak.” Me: “Thanks, I get that from a lot of guys for some reason.” Man: “How did you know that I’m gay? Is it that obvious?” Apparently, the not-so-obviously gay guy thought I had said “I get that from a lot of gays.”   The entire table loudly laughed [...]

A really obese couple came in and hobbled to my station.  The woman (in her 40s) ordered a shirley temple (sprite with grenadine).  Within 2 minutes she downed her entire drink and began making slurping noises with her straw before waving her glass in the air.  I brought her a refill and she continued drinking [...]

A party of six annoying drunk asian-americans came in tonight. They insisted they were ready to order immediately but made me stand at their table for 10 minutes while they figured out what they wanted. One girl was especially high maintenance, demanding, and rude. Her order contained 5 different special instructions and she needed 3 [...]

Two rednecks come in wearing standard redneck attire: Budweiser hats, old blue jeans, and nascar shirts.  They both ordered burgers cooked medium.  Since they were obviously from a shithole of a town somewhere in the south, I took the time to explain to them that burgers prepared medium would be pink. Redneck fucktard 1: Medium [...]

Tonight was a slow night so when I got sat a party of 8 I was excited to have something to do for 5 minutes.  When I went to the table I offered them water and began filling their water glasses. A couple of them wanted sodas so I rang them in and went to [...]

One of my biggest pet peeves is when a guest fails to alert me of a problem with their order before they eat everything.  It’s not like I’m the type of server who doesn’t check back and provide them with ample time to voice their complaints prior to finishing their meal entirely. I check back [...]

A party of four older black men were sat in Curly Sue’s section tonight.  When he arrives at the table he notices the four men have pushed their water glasses into the middle of the table.  He starts to offer them water but is quickly interrupted by one of the men. He loudly complains that [...]

A single 20-something year old black guy came in to eat.  He was reasonably attractive, well-groomed, and wearing loud & expensive hip hop attire from head to toe.  After ordering his food he requested his check immediately.  Mr. Hip Hop was in a hurry because he was headed to work.  When I asked him if [...]