December 9th, 2009
1 Comment
Whenever the rodeo is in town every casino is flooded with men of all ages wearing nut hugging jeans so tight that you can see the outline of their junk. Their ensemble also includes cowboy hats of all shapes, colors, and sizes – excluding the straw kid cowboy hats they sell at the $.99 store. Often, the men and women wear matching shirts. The woman frequently completes her outfit with a camel toe. Most of these cowboys are harmless enough. You just have to remember to speak slowly and use small words. Apparently, these cowboys are real big on respect too – as demonstrated in the following story.
Gaysian (my gay asian co-worker) waited on a party that consisted of two cowboys and a cowgirl. As he cleared the plates from the table one of the men asked if they could have the check. Gaysian said something like “Yes, I will get that for you.”
When Gaysian returned with the check he placed it on the table and the following conversation happened:
Cowboy: Do you know who I am?
Gaysian: No sir, should I?
Cowboy: You should.
Gaysian: Are you going to give me a hint?
Cowboy: Where I come from they call me Captain and him (pointing to his friend) Mister.
Gaysian: That doesn’t sound familiar. Can I have another hint?
Cowboy (angrily): Where I come from people call you SIR. When I ask for the check I expect “YES SIR.”
Gaysian: I’ll collect your payment when you are ready, SIR.
Needless to say, the cowboy stiffed Gaysian.
November 19th, 2009
3 Comments
An older couple came in, each ordering an extra well done burger and fries. They were extremely pleasant and asked for advice on sights, shows, and dining. Since it was pretty slow I chatted with them until their food came. Then I brought them vinegar and mayo for their fries. Even though I knew they were Canadian and probably going to only tip me 10% at most, I still made sure their drinks remained full and that they had everything they needed. In short, I provided them with excellent service and even gave them some knowledge not usually privy to tourists. When they went to pay they charged their check to the hotel room, leaving the tip area blank. As they got up from the table the man said to me “Thank you so much for the great service, everything was wonderful - Best service and meal since we have been in Vegas by far.” He then places a $1 Canadian coin in my hand as a tip. I look down, completely insulted, and hand it back to him.
The man (looking confused): That’s for you. It’s a tip.
He tries to hand it to me again.
Me: That’s OK – you keep it
His wife: He likes to give those to people. He gives them to the baggage handlers & cocktail waitresses. He gives them to everyone.
Me: I don’t need it. It’s OK
The man: It’s like a souvenier
Me: How is it a souvenir if I didn’t go to Canada to get it? Besides, It’s not worth my time to cash it in.
The man: Well, you can use it when you go to Canada
Me: I don’t plan on visiting Canada. (with a big smile) Have a nice day though.
With that, the couple left.
November 13th, 2009
2 Comments
As a friend of mine was walking down the strip after work the following hilarity ensued.
A limo was stopped at a red light while a bride to be, donning a white veil, and her friend were hanging out of the sunroof. Being drunk, like most slutty women who come to Vegas and attempt to get gang raped in an alley, they decided to entertain the crowd on the sidewalk by making out. Having dealt with drunk women A LOT, I know they both were thinking they were being pretty sexy. The bride begins rubbing her tits and blowing kisses, while the watching crowd encourages her by making cat calls. Just as the limo is about to pull away someone throws a half-eaten cheeseburger and hits her square in the face. Her face was covered in ketchup and mustard. The crowd began to applaud and she started crying. Wonder if she still felt sexy…
November 12th, 2009
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Three Indian men from England came in to eat this evening. They were all pretty drunk. Each of them requested separate checks – two of them paid with credit cards and the third handed me cash on his way out. Apparently, the man who paid in cash looked at the subtotal ($25) and handed me that amount, instead of the actual total ($27) . I walked quickly to the hallway and told the man he shorted me $2. His friends yelled at him and called him a “wanker” One of his friends even lightly slapped him across the back of his head. He was rather embarrassed, so he handed me $10 and quickly walked away. The great thing is that this guy intended to stiff me but had to tip me $8 instead. Fucking wanker.
November 10th, 2009
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An old bitchy couple came in this evening to split a turkey burger. When the man ordered it he said “Please make sure it doesn’t have a bunch of char on it. Last time it had so much char on it that I thought about sending it back. If it has a bunch of char on it this time, don’t think I won’t hesitate to send it back – I will. Got it?” I countered his statement with a slow blink and replied “So, you doooon’t want a bunch of char on it, is that right?” This statement apparently made him uneasy, which required him to repeat his first statement over again, almost word for word. Tired of toying with him, I simply nodded and walked away. I went to the computer to ring in his order – Turkey burger. Send.
When his food arrived he commented on how much better the burger was this time and said “I guess next time I will have to give them the same instructions to make sure they get it right.”
November 9th, 2009
1 Comment
A party of six rowdy & drunk Canadians came in to eat this evening. Most of them had special instructions for their food – including one man who ordered a burger with “no tomato.” When their food arrived I was standing nearby talking with another table. The man who ordered his burger with no tomato suddenly realized his burger had thousand island dressing on it and said “I don’t like dressing on my burger, I told her that.” His drunk friend then began to argue with him, saying “No… you only said no tomato fuckface. Don’t blame the server because you are too fucking retarded to read the menu.”
November 6th, 2009
1 Comment
Tonight a trashy white lady came in and ordered a chicken caesar salad. When her salad arrived she proceeded to pour approximately half of a cup of ketchup directly on top of it, without even trying it first. She then ate two bites, flagged the server down, and complained that it tasted horrible.
November 4th, 2009
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Tonight a nondescript couple came in to eat. When the man discovered he and his wife had ordered the same sandwich and then the same beer he looked at his wife and loudly blurted out “Samesies.” Of course, his tone immediately switched to a feminine gay man’s and remained that way for the rest of their meal.
November 3rd, 2009
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I jokingly told a female busser that my butthole itched. She countered it by furiously scratching it with all her might. Her aim was dead on. Note: I didn’t see her wash her hands afterward.
November 2nd, 2009
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After serving four older ladies I dropped the check on their table, advising them that I would pick it up whenever they were ready. I then watched them try to figure out how much each of them owed for over $25 minutes. Each of them were throwing money in a pile and then taking it out again. It was hysterical to watch. The best part was that each of them had almost exactly the same thing and owed more or less the same amount. Even with their regular sized calculator, it still took 25 minutes! After all this I was pretty sure I was getting a shitty tip but they actually left me $20 on $80. I think they felt bad for being unable to perform basic math. Deep down inside, I hope they were drunk.
