A drunk man walked up to me this evening and insisted that someone had either put or lost a fingernail in his beer. He demanded to speak to the manager immediately and fill out an incident report with security. I knew he was crazy because how could someone lose a fucking fingernail? Also, no one would do something that gross on purpose without first notifying every single person so we could stand around and watch in disgust and amazement.
Since the man was drunk he immediately became angry. He started telling me that soon he would be my new employer because he was going to sue the shit out of the casino. He also demanded his entire bill (complete with $100 worth of booze) be taken care of.
When I asked him to show me the “fingernail” he holds up his pointer finger and shows me a small sliver of something. Upon examination it turned out to be part of the shell of a lemon seed – he was drinking a Hoegaarden.
If you are wondering if he apologized for being a rude douche – Nope, he just immediately turned around and walked back to his table.
Meet the new boss…..
Same as the old boss.
Drunk people are really super when they’re angry. That’s why I’m a happy drunk. Annoying? Sometimes. Pissy and rude? Never.