Waiting In Vegas

After years of waiting tables in Las Vegas it takes a lot to truly shock me. In fact it has been quite some time since I’ve witnessed something so outlandish and disruptive that it was automatically committed to memory. This is partly due to my many years of experience but mainly due to the fact that people visiting Las Vegas fall into two categories:

those who need to be the center of attention (or at least feel like they are)

and

those who don’t need to be the center of attention (they keep to themselves, entertain themselves, and have a good time without being disruptive and drawing attention to themselves).

With this being said, it is important to note that just because people do or say outlandish things doesn’t mean that these things are really shocking. Sometimes (most of the time) I see them as a mere ploy for attention. A child jumping up and down, while screaming “Look what I can do” is exactly the same as a drunk asking a sexually explicit question and then waiting for the gasps and high fives of his peers. I know the question is really less about my vagina and more about getting the group to acknowledge how clever, witty, or insanely hysterical he/she is. Sometimes people even do things not to be clever but instead in an attempt to simply make you feel uncomfortable.

Here is a recent example:

Two women and one guy come in and eat. All three are pretty average looking. They are in their mid-thirties. The two women are dressed like soccer moms, mom jeans and all. One has her hair down and flattened and the other one has her hair tied back and is wearing glasses. The man is dressed in khakis and has an abundance of nose and ear hair.

After they finish eating, they continue drinking heavily. The more they drink, the louder and hornier they get. The two girls start kissing on the guy – taking turns kissing him on the mouth and then the neck. All three begin massaging each other erotically.

When they are presented with the check, one of the girls replies: “We need to hurry up and pay this because we are going to suck his cock.” The only appropriate reply I could think of was “Have fun with that. I’ll take your check whenever you’re ready.”