Waiting In Vegas

Diet Coke

15 November 2010

Every now and then an escaped mental patient wanders into our restaurant and plops down in my station. Yes… it’s always my station because crazy people gravitate to me. They are drawn to me like a moth to a light, a kid to candy, or Charlie Sheen to hookers. Of course, I’m kidding about the [...]

Let’s Make A Deal

20 October 2010

5 Comments

Tonight my station looked like the audience from the show “Let’s Make A Deal.” You know the show; everyone is dressed like a bunch of ass clowns, hoping to stand out enough to catch the eye of the producers. If they are dressed douchey enough, like a man dressed as a pregnant space alien with [...]

Self Cleaning Organ

28 September 2010

1 Comment

Tonight I witnessed a man explaining to another man what the literal meaning of the word “douchebag” is. The table contained two drunker-than-Cooter-Brown men, with their not-quite-as-drunk-as-Cooter-Brown wives. Man #1: I don’t get it. What is a douchebag? Man #2: You know… it’s a bag of water that a woman cleans her vagina with. Woman [...]

Two Beavers Building a Dam

20 September 2010

4 Comments

A Canadian couple in their 40s dined with us this evening. Their bill came to $42. They paid with a $100 bill. The change was broken down as such: 1- $20 bill 3 – $10 bills 1 – $5 bill 3 – $1 bills When I presented them with their change, I counted it back [...]

Chef Logic

3 July 2010

7 Comments

Every Wednesday night our restaurant runs an all-you-can-eat rib special. Our chef’s idea of all-you-can-eat means using the largest plate possible and filling it with enough food to feed a family of four Americans or an entire village in Africa. This particular special comes with two full racks of ribs and a giant mound of [...]

Cock-Stroking Motion

25 June 2010

5 Comments

Since my last blog post Gaysian has been completely obsessed with his new celebrity status. I tried to convince him that a story featuring him on this blog by no means makes him famous but my effort was in vain. Not only did featuring him make him the most giddy gay of all time but [...]

I Thought I Had Heard Every Douchey Thing

28 December 2009

0 Comments

A couple came in and ordered a sandwich to share. When the server offered to cut it in half the man replied “That would be rocktacular.” I honestly thought I had heard every douchey thing you could put the word “rock” in but apparently I hadn’t.

They Call Me Captain

9 December 2009

1 Comment

Whenever the rodeo is in town every casino is flooded with men of all ages wearing nut hugging jeans so tight that you can see the outline of their junk. Their ensemble also includes cowboy hats of all shapes, colors, and sizes – excluding the straw kid cowboy hats they sell at the $.99 store. [...]

A Limo At A Red Light

13 November 2009

3 Comments

As a friend of mine was walking down the strip after work the following hilarity ensued. A limo was stopped at a red light while a bride to be, donning a white veil, and her friend were hanging out of the sunroof. Being drunk, like most slutty women who come to Vegas and attempt to [...]

This Tastes Horrible

6 November 2009

2 Comments

Tonight a trashy white lady came in and ordered a chicken caesar salad. When her salad arrived she proceeded to pour approximately half of a cup of ketchup directly on top of it, without even trying it first. She then ate two bites, flagged the server down, and complained that it tasted horrible.