Waiting In Vegas

Happy Anniversary Gary & Bob.

25 June 2011

One of the hardest parts of waiting tables in Vegas is keeping your sanity. Dealing with drunk assholes who sometimes reward you with a handful of change can get pretty depressing. Personally, I make it through my grueling 8 hour shift by having an awesome sense of humor. I will do anything to break up [...]

Every Single Penny

4 May 2011

11 Comments

I know I write a lot about how rude and cheap and annoying people are so I’m going to veer off topic and tell you a story that contains a lot of cheer and bliss. Don’t get me wrong: the person in the story is still a cheap, piece of shit loser, who needs to [...]

Models Are Allowed To Smile

12 January 2011

5 Comments

Today was brutally boring. Within the first hour of my shift I was so bored that I volunteered to trim a busboy’s facial hair. This act was inspired by the fact that his mustache had gotten so long he was almost eating it. I’m not a big fan of facial hair – especially excessive beard [...]

Better Luck Next Time

20 December 2010

2 Comments

The highlight of my day was when a party of four drunk frat boys were seated in my station. You know the type, they call every girl a “hottie” and insist on leaving their number for every waitress – even after they were told not to bother because they would never get a phone call. [...]

Diet Coke

15 November 2010

10 Comments

Every now and then an escaped mental patient wanders into our restaurant and plops down in my station. Yes… it’s always my station because crazy people gravitate to me. They are drawn to me like a moth to a light, a kid to candy, or Charlie Sheen to hookers. Of course, I’m kidding about the [...]

MBHI, Duck Butter, A Dog, Notes

5 October 2010

4 Comments

I can’t remember the last time I had a conventional conversation with my co-workers. Mostly everything discussed at work consists of subjects meant to embarrass, sexually harass, or gross out co-workers. I know this to be true because frequently I am at the heart of these conversations. Occasionally (even though my managers would say otherwise), [...]

Self Cleaning Organ

28 September 2010

1 Comment

Tonight I witnessed a man explaining to another man what the literal meaning of the word “douchebag” is. The table contained two drunker-than-Cooter-Brown men, with their not-quite-as-drunk-as-Cooter-Brown wives. Man #1: I don’t get it. What is a douchebag? Man #2: You know… it’s a bag of water that a woman cleans her vagina with. Woman [...]

Hey White Boy

6 September 2010

2 Comments

Today Curly Sue (a white male server) was waiting on a table of 4 black men. One of them needed a refill and flailed his hands around to get Curly Sue’s attention. When Curly Sue didn’t notice, the man shouted “Hey white boy!” After the guest requested his refill, Curly Sue replied “Sure thing brother.”

That Won’t Be Necessary

1 May 2010

3 Comments

Tonight I was removing dishes from a table when the following brief and somewhat embarrassing conversation occurred. Me: May I take your plate? Man: If you want me to lick it I will. Men: (realizing how dirty he sounded the man begins laughing like a lunatic) Me: That won’t be necessary. Men: Wait… I wasn’t [...]

Good Old John

28 April 2010

3 Comments

Our last assistant manager was escorted out by security for drinking on the job. When I say drinking on the job I do not mean having a refreshing glass of beer to de-stress. What I mean is he was shit-faced (near falling down) drunk. You could also smell the alcohol oozing from his pores from [...]