Archive for the ‘Drunk People’ Category

Fight Nights Are The Worst

Fight nights are the worst. The worst clientele flock to Vegas to watch two grown men beat each other up over a million dollar purse. I simply don’t get it. The only fight that I am really interested in witnessing would be between two gay men in feather boas, tights, and [...]

That Won’t Be Necessary

Tonight I was removing dishes from a table when the following brief and somewhat embarrassing conversation occurred.
Me: May I take your plate?
Man: If you want me to lick it I will.
Men: (realizing how dirty he sounded the man begins laughing like a lunatic)
Me: That won’t be necessary.
Men: Wait… I wasn’t talking about your vagina.
Me: [...]

Good Old John

Our last assistant manager was escorted out by security for drinking on the job. When I say drinking on the job I do not mean having a refreshing glass of beer to de-stress. What I mean is he was shit-faced (near falling down) drunk. You could also smell the alcohol oozing from [...]

I’m An Asshole

Two drunk men stumble to the hostess stand.  They are using each other for support.  The hostess seats them in my station (of course).  I give them a couple of minutes to get situated before greeting them and filling their water glasses. They both have one of those giant douche souvenir cups from some place [...]

My New Employer

A drunk man walked up to me this evening and insisted that someone had either put or lost a fingernail in his beer.  He demanded to speak to the manager immediately and fill out an incident report with security.  I knew he was crazy because how could someone lose a fucking fingernail?  Also, no one [...]

A Lot Of Guys

Man: “I really like your widow’s peak.”
Me: “Thanks, I get that from a lot of guys for some reason.”
Man: “How did you know that I’m gay? Is it that obvious?”
Apparently, the not-so-obviously gay guy thought I had said “I get that from a lot of gays.”   The entire table loudly laughed for several minutes [...]

Picky Bitch

A party of six annoying drunk asian-americans came in tonight. They insisted they were ready to order immediately but made me stand at their table for 10 minutes while they figured out what they wanted. One girl was especially high maintenance, demanding, and rude. Her order contained 5 different special instructions and [...]

They Call Me Captain

Whenever the rodeo is in town every casino is flooded with men of all ages wearing nut hugging jeans so tight that you can see the outline of their junk. Their ensemble also includes cowboy hats of all shapes, colors, and sizes – excluding the straw kid cowboy hats they sell at the $.99 store. [...]