Waiting In Vegas

Better Luck Next Time

20 December 2010

The highlight of my day was when a party of four drunk frat boys were seated in my station. You know the type, they call every girl a “hottie” and insist on leaving their number for every waitress – even after they were told not to bother because they would never get a phone call. [...]

Mom Jeans And All

3 September 2010

5 Comments

After years of waiting tables in Las Vegas it takes a lot to truly shock me. In fact it has been quite some time since I’ve witnessed something so outlandish and disruptive that it was automatically committed to memory. This is partly due to my many years of experience but mainly due to the fact [...]

Fight Nights Are The Worst

29 May 2010

7 Comments

Fight nights are the worst. The worst clientele flock to Vegas to watch two grown men beat each other up over a million dollar purse. I simply don’t get it. The only fight that I am really interested in witnessing would be between two gay men in feather boas, tights, and tiaras fighting over a [...]

That Won’t Be Necessary

1 May 2010

3 Comments

Tonight I was removing dishes from a table when the following brief and somewhat embarrassing conversation occurred. Me: May I take your plate? Man: If you want me to lick it I will. Men: (realizing how dirty he sounded the man begins laughing like a lunatic) Me: That won’t be necessary. Men: Wait… I wasn’t [...]

Good Old John

28 April 2010

3 Comments

Our last assistant manager was escorted out by security for drinking on the job. When I say drinking on the job I do not mean having a refreshing glass of beer to de-stress. What I mean is he was shit-faced (near falling down) drunk. You could also smell the alcohol oozing from his pores from [...]

I’m An Asshole

3 March 2010

2 Comments

Two drunk men stumble to the hostess stand. They are using each other for support. The hostess seats them in my station (of course). I give them a couple of minutes to get situated before greeting them and filling their water glasses. They both have one of those giant douche souvenir cups from some place [...]

My New Employer

24 February 2010

2 Comments

A drunk man walked up to me this evening and insisted that someone had either put or lost a fingernail in his beer. He demanded to speak to the manager immediately and fill out an incident report with security. I knew he was crazy because how could someone lose a fucking fingernail? Also, no one [...]

A Lot Of Guys

8 February 2010

2 Comments

Man: “I really like your widow’s peak.” Me: “Thanks, I get that from a lot of guys for some reason.” Man: “How did you know that I’m gay? Is it that obvious?” Apparently, the not-so-obviously gay guy thought I had said “I get that from a lot of gays.” The entire table loudly laughed [...]

Picky Bitch

19 January 2010

2 Comments

A party of six annoying drunk asian-americans came in tonight. They insisted they were ready to order immediately but made me stand at their table for 10 minutes while they figured out what they wanted. One girl was especially high maintenance, demanding, and rude. Her order contained 5 different special instructions and she needed 3 [...]

They Call Me Captain

9 December 2009

1 Comment

Whenever the rodeo is in town every casino is flooded with men of all ages wearing nut hugging jeans so tight that you can see the outline of their junk. Their ensemble also includes cowboy hats of all shapes, colors, and sizes – excluding the straw kid cowboy hats they sell at the $.99 store. [...]