Token Black Guy Makes A Blunder

Sat, 26 Sep 2009 17:25:21 +0000

Not sure if you have noticed but there aren’t a lot of black servers in restaurants. I don’t know if it’s because black people are notoriously shitty tippers and they think all people tip similarly OR maybe they feel that waiting on people is simply beneath them. The fact is that black servers are a rarity in real life – rare like a Northern Hairy-nosed Wombat, only not really resembling Northern Hairy-nosed Wombat in any other way.

I’m fairly certain that if there were more black servers, all black people would be easier to wait on. Either they would have experienced waiting on people first hand or might know someone who has. This would give them the insight they need to not treat you like their personal servant and maybe they would even tip you accordingly. It’s just a theory though – we will never know for sure.

With that being said, we do have one black server – token black guy. I’m pretty sure he was hired as a result of affirmative action and now we just keep him around because everyone needs a reason to dust off their black jokes on occasion.

Anyways…

This evening as I was at the computer terminal ringing in a table’s order I witnessed token black guy spilling a drink all over a british guy’s lap. He quickly apologized but the guy still seemed a bit miffed. When token black guy walked away the man said “What a tit.” I walked away laughing to myself.

I’m Not Drunk

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 07:54:25 +0000

A single man comes in and sits at the bar. He has obviously been drinking and orders a bottle of white wine. He sits and drinks his wine while watching some sporting event on television. After he finishes the entire bottle of wine a short time later he attempts to order another one. His speech is slurred and it takes a while for the bartender to finally understand his request. The bartender tells the man that he can’t have anything else to drink because he’s too drunk. The man insists that he isn’t drunk and that the bartender is a fucking moron who should just shut up and get him a drink. The bartender walks away and notifies the manager – a naive female who can never stand up to asshole guests.

The man and the female manager are standing in the middle of the room arguing about why he has been cut off. Right as the man is screaming “I’m not even fucking drunk – that bartender doesn’t know shit” his light tan slacks slowly turn darker in the crotch – the darkness continues to move down his pant leg. The man has pissed all over himself and is now standing in a puddle of his own urine. My manager doesn’t notice and they continue to argue for a few more minutes. The puddle is creeping towards my manager’s open toed shoes.

Meanwhile, me and my co-workers are laughing our asses off and just praying that the puddle makes it to my manager’s foot. But it wasn’t meant to be – the conversation ended too soon and my manager escaped getting soaked in pee. She walked over to us (all standing in a circle at this point, trying to maintain our composure), I quickly asked “So…. what happened?”

She: I told him he could have a single glass of wine.

Me: Really…. don’t you think he was a little drunk?

She: Well… he will be OK. If he gets too drunk we will call security

Me: How will you tell if he is too drunk?

She: It will be obvious

Me: You mean like if he pisses on the floor?

She: Yeah, that would be a good sign

Me: You might want to call security

Then we all bust out laughing and point to the puddle.

Waiting In Vegas » Oops! Accidents Happen

Token Black Guy Makes A Blunder

I’m Not Drunk