Waiting In Vegas

Tonight was one of those nights where if anything could go wrong it did in fact go wrong.  The night started out simple enough. Sure, there was a line but tables were being sat at a manageable pace and the kitchen was sending food out pretty quickly. Then, five of my tables leave at once, are bussed at the same time, and are immediately sat with new parties.  Of course, all 5 of the new tables are in a rush and each of them think that they are more important than the other.

While I am getting drink orders and trying to get my shit together my remaining 3 tables get their food. One of the tables complain that their fries are cold, another that their burger is improperly prepared, and the remaining one needs more beer.  Within minutes I am so fucking far behind I begin to think that one of my new tables might just get up and leave.  Of course, I couldn’t be so lucky.  I push through and finally recover only to discover that no tickets are printing in the kitchen.

All 5 of my tables orders haven’t even been started because the kitchen isn’t getting tickets.  Everyone rewrites their orders on hand-written checks and turns them into the kitchen.  The kitchen is so fucking far behind that I begin to think my tables might really get up and walk out now.  Not only are they far behind but food is returning to the kitchen for a variety of reasons (cold, burnt, undercooked, missing ingredients, special instructions not followed) – Not just my food but everyone’s.  All in all it was one gigantic clusterfuck until after the dinner rush passed and then the place cleared out.

During the middle of it all I was sat a party of four, which consisted of two elderly couples.  They were obviously in town for Nascar and one of the men was donning a cowboy hat that Bocephus himself would envy.

Me: Hi, Can I get your some water?

Bocephus: Separate checks

Me: Ok, would you like some water?

Bocephus: I’ll have a coffee.

Everyone else puts their water glasses near me to indicate that they would like some water.  I take their drink order and return with their drinks. The last drink I place on the table is the coffee.

Bocephus: Is this decaf?

Me: No sir.

Bocephus: I wanted decaf

Me: Sorry, You just said coffee so I assumed you wanted regular coffee.

Bocephus: Well, I didn’t. I obviously can’t drink regular coffee at this hour.

Me: After I put your order in I will get you a decaf.  Has everyone decided on food?

It is important to note that this people were deaf as hell.  I was practically yelling at them and they still insisted that I was talking too low.  The table across from them was even obviously uncomfortable with how loud I was talking. The man from the first couple orders a sandwich.  His wife doesn’t order anything because our prices are outrageous. Bocephus orders a burger cooked extra, extra well done with no sides because they are too expenisive. His wife orders a salad.  Each of the couple inform me (again) that they need separate checks.  They also tell me that they are in a hurry and need to be out the door within 45 minutes.  I tell then that it might not happen because extra, extra well done burgers take longer to cook.

I ring their order in and return with the decaf.

Bocephus: This is decaf, right?

Me: Yes sir.

Bocephus: Is it fresh?

Me: It should be.

Bocephus: Good. Put a strawberry shake on my check also.

Me: Did you want me to bring that out now?

Bocephus: No, I don’t want it now. I’m drinking coffee.

Me: So, you want to order it later?

Bocephus: Yes, later.

Me: OK, let me know when you want it and I will bring it then.

Bocephus nods his head in agreement. The table gets their food and I stop to make sure their food is prepared properly and they have everything they need. The lady who didn’t order anything decides she wants a small appetizer. I ring it in.  I return to check on the table once they have taken a couple of bites of their food.  I also return a few moments later to refill their drinks.  Once the remaining lady gets her food I check on them two more times (when she gets it and once she tries it).  I walk by the table several times and make eye contact.  I also prebus the table four separate times because each of them finish eating at different times.  At the end of the meal I offer them dessert and they each just grumble that they are ready for their checks.  They tell me (again) that they need separate checks. I bring their checks out.

Bocephus: You never brought my shake out.

His wife: I see you didn’t charge him for it so I guess never mind.

Me: I’m sorry about that. Did you want me to bring it in a plastic cup to go?

Bocephus (yelling): NO! I WANTED IT WITH MY BURGER!

Me: I did tell you to tell me when you wanted it, right?

Bocephus: (silent, looking confused)

Me: At some point did you tell me that you were ready and that you wanted it?

Bocephus: I would’ve told you but you never came back.

Me: I’ve been to your table several times.

Bocephus: No you haven’t.

Me: I refilled your coffee and water twice and I checked on you and asked you how everything was four times.

Bocephus: Whatever.

At this point I just walked away. Bocephus can pretty much go fuck himself.  When I return to the table Bocephus gives me his check with the exact change.  The other couple tips me $3 (exactly what I was expecting).  The hostess brings Bocephus his walker and they slowly head out the door.