Waiting In Vegas

One of the hardest parts of waiting tables in Vegas is keeping your sanity. Dealing with drunk assholes who sometimes reward you with a handful of change can get pretty depressing. Personally, I make it through my grueling 8 hour shift by having an awesome sense of humor. I will do anything to break up [...]

A party of four guys in their early twenties were seated in my section tonight. I offered them some drinks and when I told them the price of our sodas, all but one requested water. I overheard them loudly talking about how outrageous our prices are. One guy in particular, Giggles, was deeply, deeply amused [...]

I know I write a lot about how rude and cheap and annoying people are so I’m going to veer off topic and tell you a story that contains a lot of cheer and bliss. Don’t get me wrong: the person in the story is still a cheap, piece of shit loser, who needs to [...]

11. Fuck you and your free sample. If you are the kind of person who goes into a restaurant and asks for a sample of something before you buy it, I fucking hate you. I don’t even care if you spent five years building schools in Africa or adopted 45 kids from Cambodia. The fact [...]

6. Your kids aren’t as fucking cute as you think they are (unless they are Asian). American children are taught to be autonomous. We like to make our children think that they have choices and that they are capable of making them without the assistance of an adult. The truth is, kids are generally morons [...]

Hostesses are your first impression of a restaurant. The hardest job that a hostess has is concealing their frustration at guests who demand to be seated immediately, in the table of their choosing. What most guests fail to understand is that hostesses seat guests at a specific table for a reason. They don’t just arbitrarily [...]

I’m going to break this post into 4 parts to make the length manageable. I’ve compiled a list of 20 common sense rules that you should follow when dining out. I’m sure other servers would love you to know this stuff too. I know most people will find this list to be common sense but [...]

I recently read a list of secrets that waiters won’t tell you on Reader’s Digest’s site. Since it was a slideshow and a giant pain in the ass to click through, I posted the secrets below, followed by my response to them. Coffee Switching In most restaurants, after 8 p.m. or so, all the coffee [...]

Just when I think that no one could ever be cuntier than the last cunt, someone new comes along and shatters the existing record. Tonight it was a party of three who managed this feat. The two females were the real culprits but the man was present and is therefore guilty by association.  I’m sure [...]

Today was brutally boring. Within the first hour of my shift I was so bored that I volunteered to trim a busboy’s facial hair.  This act was inspired by the fact that his mustache had gotten so long he was almost eating it.  I’m not a big fan of facial hair – especially excessive beard [...]