Every Wednesday night our restaurant runs an all-you-can-eat rib special.
Our chef’s idea of all-you-can-eat means using the largest plate possible and filling it with enough food to feed a family of four Americans or an entire village in Africa. This particular special comes with two full racks of ribs and a giant mound of coleslaw and beans. Is it cost effective to needlessly pile that much food onto a plate? No… not really. Truthfully, more than half of the food is uneaten and winds up in the garbage.
But sometimes (I really mean almost always) our chef makes decisions that have no logical basis or he uses his own form of logic instead of real logic. This special is a prime example of our chef’s logic in action.
Chef logic: People should feel like they are getting a good deal. They will be impressed that they get this much food for such a low price.
My logic: People will still be just as impressed by getting half as much food and knowing they can get more if they want. More than likely they wouldn’t request more and we can sell twice as many specials or just make half as many ribs. Maybe people wouldn’t stuff themselves so full and we could possibly even sell dessert or perhaps they will order a second beer.
Delivering this special to a table provokes all sorts of reactions from guests.
Americans marvel at the size of the portion they receive. Their hearts fill with glee and they enthusiastically dig in using their hands. Soon their entire body is coated in a sticky film of BBQ sauce. They attempt to eat every bite but most can’t even eat half. When they have had their fill they will simply push the plate away and not worry about the waste. Every now and then one gluttonous American will ask for a second serving of ribs, which is only half of a rack (very few will finish it).
Some foreigners look at the portion and laugh. Lots of Asians point and take pictures while modeling behind the plate. Some Asians have each person model with the plate or model holding a rib. In whatever language they speak I imagine they are saying, “Holy fuck. This is a shit ton of food. No wonder Americans are so fat and lazy.” Frequently, foreign couples who ordered two specials demand that you return one to the kitchen and allow them to share one portion but pay for two specials.
Tonight the following occurred:
An older English couple were seated in my station today. They immediately picked up the table tent and inquired about our all-you-can-eat rib special. They both said that it sounded “lovely” and ordered it. When it arrived they looked at each other and said “Wow, that’s a lot of food.” I nodded my head in agreement. I left the food for them to eat and checked on them periodically throughout the meal. When I went to clear the empty plates from the table the man looked mad but he assured me that everything was fine. I gave him his check, ran his credit card, and returned with the slip. As soon as he signed his credit card slip he began yelling at me.
Man: You should be ashamed of yourself
Me: For…?
Man: You’ve gone and put too much food on the plate and made us eat it.
Me: How did I make you eat it?
Man: You put so much food there that if we didn’t eat it then we would be wasteful. I don’t like to waste food, neither does my wife.
Me: (looking puzzled)
Man: Now I’ve gone and made myself sick. It’s all your fault.
Me: I don’t control the portions.
Man: I hope you’re happy. My wife had to go throw up. You’ve ruined our entire evening, maybe even our vacation.
The man quickly left the restaurant, with his hand covering his mouth, as if he were about to hurl. I’m not sure if he did or not. It would’ve been the one time I actually wanted to see someone vomit.
